Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
