i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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