he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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