i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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