his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Are my feet made of real feet?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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