Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
