The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
