I just gift wrapped bread.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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