you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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