Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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