the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
