Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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