i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
