yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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