i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
