im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
