Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
