i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
BRING THE BAGELS
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
