I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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