Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
