very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
whose ass print is on the piano?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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