how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
