remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
