You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
