i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
