do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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