At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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