so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
