I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
