I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
