i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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