Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
