I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
