a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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