so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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