And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Randomize
