So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
