I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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