I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
