Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
