We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
