dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Enjoy the penises
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
