I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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