the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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