i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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