I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just pee around me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags