so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
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my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
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I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues