Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE