I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology