Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning