Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  bl l w

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.

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  (908): bl l w (201): this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel. http://tfl.nu/4an5
  Replies (63) Good night (8476) Bad night (735)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.

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  (203): 'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/k9vf
  Replies (15) Good night (717) Bad night (3623)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm so glad i pay social security

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  (610): Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year? (1-610): I'm so glad i pay social security http://tfl.nu/rnv1
  Replies (17) Good night (4301) Bad night (908)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.

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  (704): Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some. http://tfl.nu/ntfp
  Replies (12) Good night (1242) Bad night (5284)
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  (209): View more from California

  We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem

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  (209): We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem http://tfl.nu/pftr
  Replies (31) Good night (3307) Bad night (1244)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.

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  (650): It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water. http://tfl.nu/g5w6
  Replies (14) Good night (765) Bad night (2623)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going

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  (519): I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going http://tfl.nu/hix8
  Replies (4) Good night (2846) Bad night (1155)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.

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  (480): I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona. http://tfl.nu/nax7
  Replies (3) Good night (1755) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.

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  (251): Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on. http://tfl.nu/zy8a
  Replies (53) Good night (899) Bad night (3000)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...

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  (843): So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight... http://tfl.nu/ph6r
  Replies (4) Good night (657) Bad night (436)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.

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  (610): porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy. http://tfl.nu/gke1
  Replies (12) Good night (2392) Bad night (474)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers

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  (828): I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers http://tfl.nu/zoj5
  Replies (0) Good night (506) Bad night (247)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.

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  (410): She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue. http://tfl.nu/xn2n
  Replies (4) Good night (1117) Bad night (249)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.

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  (570): They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me. http://tfl.nu/dk1c
  Replies (5) Good night (434) Bad night (348)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency

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  (805): I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency http://tfl.nu/hlej
  Replies (5) Good night (433) Bad night (415)

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