did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win