And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
