matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.