I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs