Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I pour the whiskey from now on
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.