I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
