Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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