who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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