note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
