I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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