These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
