I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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