Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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