I wanna passion pit in your ass
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
