Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
