Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he fucked my hip out of place.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
