U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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