I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
