Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
