im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
