Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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