Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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