Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
