I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
